“For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins”. Colossians 1:13-14
There comes a time when we must learn to forgive ourselves as we have forgiven others. That makes sense and sounds good. Doesn’t it? This phrase is so easy to say, but so hard for people including myself to do. I have always been able to forgive people. Forgiving others has always come easy for me, holding grudges was just never in me. I like to think that I have a special gift that gives me the power to understand why people do the things they do. It may be because I honestly don’t take anything personally. I must say though, some of my biggest heartbreaks and hurts have come from people that I have loved or love the most. I truly know in my heart whatever happened or was done was not about me but more about them. I usually charge it to their heads and not their hearts. I truly believe that no one has ever set out to purposely hurt me (hopefully not), so I have always chosen to forgive. With that being said, “Why is something that I find so easy to give others something that I was finding so hard to give myself”? Why can I not charge my wrongdoings to my head and not my heart? Maybe it was because the hurt I felt came from the person closest to me, myself. To answer that question I had to first get over myself and remind myself that I am no different from anyone else and that means I am not perfect.
No one is Perfect
How do we forgive ourselves? The answer is so very simple. Remind yourself you are not perfect. Let’s face it, no one is perfect, not you and certainly not me. It took me a long time to realize that. I was so busy trying to be perfect for those looking in from the outside that I had forgotten how not perfect I actually was. Do you know that old saying, the one about how the liar starts to believe their own lies eventually? That was me; I had turned into the liar that was believing the lies. I was so busy acting perfect I had started to believe that I was. Of course, deep down I knew I was not perfect but to come face to face with everything I was suppressing in my life. At one point I was just as shocked as everyone else. I was so shocked that it turned into anger and that anger grew into self-hatred. Angry with myself for every bad choice and mistake I had made in life. Hatred for not realizing it sooner and putting a stop to it.
The more I reflected on the things that had transpired the angrier I got. There were times when I could not even gather enough energy to get out of bed or shower. I hated to even look in the mirror. I constantly thought about all the people I had let down, everything that I had lost. I kept asking myself why repeatedly. Why did I do this to myself, my family? Why did I ruin my life? The burden and the thoughts were beginning to become too much. For the first time in my life, I was on the brink of giving up. I was being harder on myself than I had ever been on anyone else. It was at that point I knew that the load was far too heavy for me to carry. As I lay in bed one night, knowing that I had done all I could do to move on and forgive myself, I decided to pray. It was not my typical prayer; it was a prayer that I felt in my heart and deep in my soul. I asked God to remove the self-hatred from my heart and to help me forgive myself the way that I have forgiven others. I told God that the burden I was carrying was too heavy for me. That night I gave that burden to God to carry and decided to give myself grace.
Giving yourself Grace
It was not until I gave that burden to God that I started to see a shift, not only in the way I saw life but in the way I saw myself. Instead of living with self-pity and thinking about all the mistakes I had made along the way, I decided to forgive myself and figure out my purpose and walk through it. I trusted God to deliver me, and he did. Show yourself some grace by forgiving yourself. Let’s start today!
Whether you choose to start your day off with prayer or words of affirmation, always start your day with some self-reflection. Prayer added with a few affirmative words for Self-motivation is a great way to start your day. The more motivated you are about who you are the more motivated you will be about who you can become. What are some positive characteristics you like about yourself?
Show yourself compassion. Yes, you have made some mistakes, feel sorry for the person you were but do not feel sorry for the person you are becoming. When you know better you do better. Now that you know better, strive to become a better version of yourself. Be kind to yourself, you not only deserve it, but you need it. What have you learned from your past mistakes? Now, turn those mistakes into lessons.
Remember you are only human and until you die are a work in progress. Every day is a day to grow closer to the person God wants and has created you to become. Who and what do you strive to become? Now think, what steps will it take for you to get there?
Give that burden of self-unforgiveness to God and learn to forgive yourself the way you have forgiven others. Let’s forgive ourselves today! The weight of unforgiveness can be so heavy and you will feel so much better once you release it, I know I do.